Well, the title is self-explanatory, this journal si pretty much just ramblings of my tired mind. Feel free to read it. Or don't, whatever works for you.
If anyone follows these (and it seems like no-one does but at least I'm gonna practise my English by writing this), you probably know that the last two years have been tough on me and my husband. We had to face a situation I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy (well, unless I really hated him/her - just kidding). Generally speaking, things are looking up now, but it looks like we still have a long fight ahead of us. But the fact that there are still changes for the better keeps us hoping and maybe even slightly optimistic.
There's one upside, because my husband felt really lonely after the surgery, I was able to persuade him to get a cat (he used to be against pets) - two cats, actually - which turned out to be really lucky (even as I'm writing this one of the cats keeps rubbing my face) as it shifted our focus towards other things than wallowing in self-pity.
This time wasn't great art-wise for me either. I'm a person who needs to be happy a content to paint, and as I get depressed easily, keeping the inspiration flowing isn't very easy for me. Needless to say I didn't paint much, except for a couple of commissions.
With our situation improving my inspiration came back by the end of last year and for once I was very excited about creating again. Because the things got better I was able to started looking for a job too, as we have bills to pay (being adult suck). It was a fruitless search for quite some time, as there isn't a big market for linguists. Finally I managed to find a job as a graphic designer, which I find highly ironic - I studied designing in high school and decided it wasn't for me (hence my linguistic studies). The biggest joke is that now I actually like it. The job's quite close to my home so even though I have to spend some time commuting, I have also time to take care about everything at home. (And I will be able to ride my bike to work when the weather gets warmer, which is no small thing for a passionate cyclist like me.) The downside is that I don't have much energy for painting left anymore - and it feels too similar to work anyway, so it's the last thing I want to do when I come home. I'm starting to feel a bit depressed about it - I haven't properly painted for more than two years (even before my husband's surgery I didn't have the time for it because of finishing my master's) and it feels like life is just getting in my way.
I've never felt like a particularly good artist, I tend to overthink things and I struggle a lot when I paint (that's why I always find it hilarious when people say to me how effortless my paintings look) and now I'm thinking - is it really worth the effort? The pain, the doubts, the lost time...
On the other hand if I give it up I'll be probably sad because of all the effort I've put in my art already. I wish I could be one of the people that just go with the flow and don't think much over anything, but that's just not me. I guess things will have to sort themselves out, eventually...
On a completely unrelated note, I've found a new hobby - I've taken up excercising, as I started to feel really uncomfortable with my physical condition, and, let's face it, (I am a woman after all) my figure - and so far it's been very rewarding. Perhaps I'll even upload an ID after all these years
Well, I guess that's enough for now. Have a great time whenever you are and now that your support always means the world to me! Sorry for all the typos!